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Death and funerals:
Talking about your funeral could be one of the most sensitive conversations you ever have with a loved one. But by starting conversations now about your personal wishes and how you want to be remembered, you can spare your family uncertainty when the time comes…
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Text Angela Upex
Sub editor Leena Sidat
Images Co-op, Getty
Senior creative Dave Masters
Senior designer Samantha Terrell
Senior project manager Sophia Rehman
Produced by Invention Content Studio, Reach Solutions
©2023 Reach plc
“There is no right or wrong way to start a conversation about death or funerals,” he explained. “It will be different for everyone.
“Nobody wants to think about their own passing or a family member dying and talking about death brings up uncomfortable emotions so we tend to shy away from it.
“But all of us will experience the death of a loved one at some point in our lives and talking more openly can often make it seem less frightening. If we don’t, it can make things very difficult when the time comes as your family won’t know your wishes and will be making an educated guess.
“Having these relaxed conversations over a coffee gives us the opportunity to talk about what kind of send off we want. I think discussing what music you might like played at your funeral is a good way to start a conversation around it.”
Talking now helps your loved ones later.
For help starting your conversation, visit coop.co.uk/conversation
For grief and bereavement support, visit cruse.org.uk
Download the Let's Start Talking podcast
why talking now helps
your loved ones later
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Our Let’s Start Talking podcast host Coleen Nolan has told how her sister Bernie planning her funeral helped her family cope when the time came.
Bernie passed away in 2013 after losing her 10-month battle with cancer and had made plans for how she wanted her ceremony to be.
Opening up about her experience, Coleen, 58, said: “None of us like thinking about that moment but it’s going to happen.
“Funerals are awful and grief is awful so any pain you can eliminate from that situation is worth it.
“When Bernie died she left exactly how she wanted her funeral to be and I cannot tell you the stress it took off the family.”
One of Coleen’s other sisters, Linda, 64, is currently living with brain cancer. The singer was first diagnosed with stage three breast cancer in 2005, then incurable secondary cancer in her hip in 2017 which spread to her liver in 2020.
"Bernie planned her own funeral"
Podcast host bravely shares her own experiences of funerals and loss
Coleen said she is trying to be open when it comes to talking about death and funeral planning with her own family and explained how she tries to bring an ‘every day is a blessing’ approach to life.
Coleen, who is the youngest of seven siblings, revealed how before Bernie passed away she also gave the family rules about how to grieve.
“Bernie gave us a big speech before she died telling us we could grieve and cry for two weeks but after two weeks she wanted us up and getting on with life,” she added.
“So everytime I wanted to stay in bed and thought: ‘I can’t face the day’ I always had those words from her going: ‘Get up!’
“Every now and again, normally if I’m on my own, I’ll have a good cry.”
65%
of British adults
have never discussed their own wishes with loved ones
2/3
of British adults
nearly
happen without wishes of the deceased considered
hover to
learn more
are unsure of their family’s funeral preferences
That’s why we’ve worked closely with experts from Co-op Funeralcare and specialists from Cruse Bereavement Support – which partners with Co-op Funeralcare – to guide you through the process as part of our latest ‘Let’s Start Talking’ campaign.
Tim Bloomer, Head of Operations at Co-op Funeralcare, said it’s important for us to get comfortable with having conversations about death - however hard they can be.
There is no right or wrong way to start a conversation about death or funerals
Tim Bloomer,
head of operations,
Co-op Funeralcare
382k
funerals a year
Here, Manny Badyal, funeral director at Co-op Funeralcare, shares some guidance about funeral wishes, from starting conversations to the next steps.
It’s difficult, but the sooner you can introduce those conversations, the easier it is. We’re encouraging the nation to be more open about their wishes; making it clear to their loved ones what they would want for themselves when the time comes. The choice of music is a simple and comforting place to start. Discussing funeral wishes ahead of time protects your family
from the pressure of making decisions later.
Thinking about any personal touches can help to celebrate and reflect on the life of the person who has passed. Co-op Funeralcare has a range of options you can choose that best reflects your loved one or your wishes. Our priority is to help families create a funeral that is just as individual as their loved one.
We’re now seeing a move away from traditional
vehicles and black attire, with more colourful and
celebratory services. We can offer a motorcycle or Land Rover hearse; the bearers can wear ties the same colour as the loved one’s football team; and coffins can be coloured or themed. Visual tributes are also popular. We’ve arranged all kinds of wonderful funerals, from including superheroes and princesses, to part of the funeral taking place at the 18th hole on a golf course. Everything about a funeral with Co-op Funeralcare is personal every step of the way. There are lots of options; we can tailor the music, flowers and vehicles to capture personal wishes, offering families comfort.
How to open up tricky conversations
Co-op Funeralcare expert on the benefits of discussing
your funeral with loved ones
How do I start a conversation about funeral wishes?
What would you say to someone planning a funeral?
What are some of the requests you’ve had?
Manny's top tips on how to talk to loved ones
Guidance on the best way to make funeral wishes
Set a place
to talk
Families are more open to questions in a relaxed setting, such as over a cup of tea at home.
Conversation starters
It might feel out of the blue, so music can begin the conversation. Mention a ceremony song you'd like.
What you can talk about
Bring up your choice of burial or cremation, and the music and poems you would like.
click arrow for Manny's top tips
Readers get talking
Our readers share the finer details of their funeral wishes and tell us how they've planned their send-off
Click to learn more
“I’m not religious so I would like a humanist service and a cremation. The music I would like to play is the theme tune to the TV show Black Beauty which reflects my love of animals, especially horses. If possible, I'd like a friend to ride their horse in front of the hearse on the way into the crematorium. I would like only family flowers and a collection in lieu of flowers, to go to help a charity called Pets North East where I do voluntary fundraising. And on the order of service, I would like a photograph of me with my horses.’’
Ashleigh Gibson, 56, from Newcastle
Ashleigh,
from Newcastle
Learn more
Ffion,
from Wales
Learn more
“I’ve often thought about my death and the events leading up to it, despite only being 23 years old. In my mind, funerals conjure images of dullness and lifelessness, but that’s not how I envision mine. I want a vibrant, joyful ceremony, just like you’d find at a wedding reception. My lack of religious background and faith steers me away from traditional venues like churches, chapels and places with religious values. Instead, I picture an unconventional celebration, where stories about my life are shared amongst my loved ones.’’
Ffion, 23, from Wales
Samson,
from Manchester
Learn more
“I would have a two-country funeral; one in the UK and one in Nigeria the birth of my parents. The UK service would be a traditional church service held in Droylsden or preferably my church Clayton Methodist Church, although at present its future looks doubtful. Because I am a news enthusiast the UK service would be news-themed. For example, there would be a projector shown to the congregation in newspaper format chronicling some key moments in my life and the order of service would be in news format. The Nigerian service would be a hugely joyous service full of singing and dancing dressed in traditional colourful attire.’’
Samson from Manchester
hover to
learn more
As an only child, Linda Charlton was left to make the funeral arrangements for her parents when they died. But as they had never spoken to her about their funeral wishes, the 60-year-old had to make those decisions for them. Now Linda is determined that history won’t repeat itself.
“I made funeral arrangements for both my parents without really knowing what they wanted, which spurred me on to make my own plans,” said Linda, a retired accounts clerk from Newcastle.
Linda said: “We wanted to make life easier for our two children. It can feel overwhelming when someone close to you dies, so organising our own funeral made sense. Co-op Funeralcare was so helpful - we were able to chat, ask lots of questions, and get some excellent guidance.
Linda and her husband Stephen took steps to help ease any future stress.
She said: “We both want a non-religious ceremony, to be cremated, and have a basic committal.’’
“It was an easy process. I’d encourage anyone thinking about it, and in a position to do so, to go for it.’’
But more importantly, Linda believes in having those conversations with loved ones. She added: “When I told my daughter about putting funeral plans in place, she said: ‘That’s great mam’.”
Talking now helps your loved ones later. For help starting your conversation, visit coop.co.uk/conversation
Christine & Peter
Rick
Ann
Linda and Stephen
"When my parents died, I had no idea of their wishes"
"I'm glad everything is in place"
"I’ve picked a beautiful oak tree as a living memorial to myself"
Ann’s husband Stanley is no stranger to death having worked in funeral services for 12 years. When it was time to plan for his own funeral, he discussed the options available to him with Co-op Funeralcare so Ann, their four children and nine grandchildren, could give him the send-off he deserves.
Stanley, 69, is terminally ill with cancer and wanted to ensure arrangements are in place for when the time comes. Ann and Stanley, from Blackpool, praised Co-op Funeralcare for their attention to detail in the plans for Stanley’s funeral.
Ann, 76, said: “Because of his previous role, my husband is aware of what happens after death and wanted something in place.
“My husband wants a vicar to conduct the service and a cremation. We also decided on readings, which will be read by my son and grandson.
“In terms of music, he’s always loved Pink Floyd so, as well as hymns, there will be something from The Dark Side of the Moon.
“We also wanted to know if we could bring our dog to the funeral and they said we could, so that’s a huge comfort.’’
Ann said planning ahead had reassured her husband: “We might have missed out on his choices if not for those discussions, so I’m glad everything is in place.’’
Planning ahead has reassured Stanley
Click on a celebrity to reveal their funeral wishes
Celeb funeral wishes
Eamonn Holmes
Dr Alex George
“I want incense over my coffin for the Requiem Mass in Belfast in the church where I was baptised and where my mother and father married."
Read full interview
16-24s
think about death
every 1.5 days while those over 55 think about it every 3.5 days
49%
of families
don't feel comfortable talking about death
25
is the age
people say they start thinking about their own death
hover to
learn more
Click to learn more
Our panel of experts answer some questions
Reader FAQs
Talking now helps your loved ones later. For help starting your conversation, visit coop.co.uk/conversation
Manny Badyal said: “Talking about your funeral wishes will let your friends and family know what you want when the time comes. This way, we're all remembered the way we want to be.
“A Co-op report said that although 66 per cent of people in the UK have thought about their funeral wishes, only 7 per cent feel comfortable talking about it. It can be daunting to have these kinds of discussions but it is important to have these open conversations. Talking now will help your loved ones later.
“We all think we know those closest to us but in reality, unless we have had the conservation, most of us are unsure about what kind of send-off we would give our loved ones. Many of us haven’t even considered our own funeral wishes unless we’ve had to organise a funeral service for someone else.’’
It's time to talk
Your wishes
How to start
The conversation
Why should you have the conversation?
Terminally-ill Stanley Roberts has planned his funeral - here, his wife Ann explains why
Linda and her husband Stephen took early funeral planning steps to ease future stress
scroll
for more
Rick Smales has arranged his own funeral to help ease the pressure for his boys
Solid, British and beautiful, oak trees stand tall and proud. That’s why dad-of-two Rick Smales wants one planted in his name when he dies to represent the man he was.
“I want a beautiful place for my boys to visit where they are surrounded by nature. An oak tree is a wonderful lasting legacy,’’ explained the 64-year-old. The retired musician has arranged his funeral in advance to help ease future worries for his sons, Natty, 20 and Alfie, 16.
Rick, from Blackpool, said: “I want a humanist service and a cremation.
"And in terms of a lasting memorial, I would like a beautiful oak tree planted in my memory and my ashes to be scattered on the oak tree."
“I like the idea that my boys can visit such a natural setting and watch my oak tree develop and grow, as well as the rest of the forest.”
Rick added: “My sons know all about my plans and understand my wishes. Death is inevitable but if you talk about your wishes early and carry on with life - which, hopefully, is a very long life - you’ll be at ease knowing everything is in place for the end.’’
on average
"With no-service cremations, are bodies still treated with the same dignity?"
Susie Down asked
Michael Pengelly, Co-op Funeralcare
“We look after all deceased with the utmost dignity and respect, regardless of funeral type.”
Asher-Reid asked
"Can a funeral be broadcast over Zoom for long distance mourners?"
Michael Pengelly, Co-op Funeralcare
“We have relationships with webcast providers so mourners can watch online in most cases.”
Click on a question to read our experts answer
George Proctor asked
“If I want my funeral to have a football theme - can that be arranged?"
Michael Pengelly, Co-op Funeralcare
“Yes! The important thing is to talk to loved ones about your personal choices and wishes.”
“I’m quite clear about what I want for my funeral”
TV presenter Eamonn Holmes has revealed his personal wishes for his funeral when the time comes, including his desire to be buried in his hometown of Belfast.
Speaking to Loose Women presenter and friend Coleen Nolan for the Let’s Start Talking podcast, Eamonn said: “We have a family plot in Belfast where my mum and dad are.”
And though he doesn’t want to be cremated, his wife, Ruth Langsford, would like to be - before being anonymously laid to rest in Surrey.
Eamonn continued: “I’m quite clear about what I want. I want people to be dressed in black.
Eamonn Holmes has shared his funeral wishes with his family, which includes a traditional service in Ireland
“I want incense over my coffin for the Requiem Mass in Belfast in the church where I was baptised and where my mother and father married. My brothers would carry my coffin.
“I like traditional old church music and I’d like Malachi Cush to sing some stuff. I would also like the final song to be Bridge Over Troubled Water; I think it is a great song to reflect on.”
“I'd like the funeral and cremation to be in Pembrokeshire, and then for people to go to Newgale beach, in Wales, near where I grew up."
Read full interview
In a new podcast episode for Let’s Start Talking, Dr Alex George has shared his funeral wishes and how he would like to be remembered.
The UK mental health ambassador told presenter Coleen Nolan: “Cremation is what I would choose - and a slightly traditional funeral ceremony. I'd like it to be in Pembrokeshire, and then for people to go to Newgale beach, in Wales, near where I grew up.
“It would be fine for people to turn up in casual clothing, and I would like a few readings - such as stories or memories - about me. They could bring their coffee or whiskey, and just remember those good times.”
On what type of music he wants, Dr Alex jokingly replied “Staying Alive”, before sharing he’d like both sombre and upbeat music.
“I’d probably have To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra - that’s a really powerful song. Then, something like Nirvana from my teenage years, and an Elton John song.”
Dr Alex added: “If people remembered me as a good and kind person, that would be great. That's the number one thing.”
Dr Alex George has revealed his wishes for a simple beach funeral with uplifiting music
“I would like to be remembered as a kind person”
Click for Dr Alex's story
66%
of people in the UK
have thought about their funeral wishes
7%
FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT IT
ONLY
hover to
learn more
Manny Badyal said: “Death, dying and funerals remain one of the biggest taboos. More people are willing to talk about death and bereavement, but there’s still some way to go, which is why I always encourage people to find simple ways to start the conversation.
“Start a conversation with someone close to you by finding a good opener. Music is an option. Perhaps play a song on your phone and say it’s what you’d like played at your funeral. Then turn it around and ask what they would like. It’s an easy way to start asking some important questions.
“Something you’ve seen on television can be a way into the topic. Or comment on flowers on display – ask if those tulips, roses or daffodils are their favourites. It doesn’t have to be serious, but you are bringing the topic into the open while gathering tiny bits of information for the future.’’
How do I start the conversation with loved ones?
Manny Badyal said: “Everything about a funeral with Co-op Funeralcare is personal every step of the way and we can provide many options. So think about what your funeral means to you and try to be clear about your wishes.
“There’s a huge rise in funerals being more unique and personal to celebrate the life we have lived.
“Here are a few points you might want to think about: Would you prefer a burial or a cremation? Do you want a religious or non-religious ceremony? Will you want a gathering or celebration afterwards?
“Once the most important aspects of your funeral wishes have been decided, you may want to think about the following: Do you have any favourite songs, hymns or poems that are special to you? Where would you like your funeral to be? Where do you want your ashes to be scattered?"
How do I choose my funeral wishes?
That’s why we’ve worked closely with experts from Co-op Funeralcare and specialists from Cruse Bereavement Support – which partners with Co-op Funeralcare – to guide you through the process as part of our latest ‘Let’s Start Talking’ campaign.
Tim Bloomer, Head of Operations at Co-op Funeralcare, said it’s important for us to get comfortable with having conversations about death - however hard they can be.
“There is no right or wrong way to start a conversation about death or funerals,” he explained. “It will be different for everyone.
“Nobody wants to think about their own passing or a family member dying and talking about death brings up uncomfortable emotions so we tend to shy away from it.
“But all of us will experience the death of a loved one at some point in our lives and talking more openly can often make it seem less frightening. If we don’t, it can make things very difficult when the time comes as your family won’t know your wishes and will be making an educated guess.
“Having these relaxed conversations over a coffee gives us the opportunity to talk about what kind of send off we want. I think discussing what music you might like played at your funeral is a good way to start a conversation around it.”
Source: Wishlockr
Co-op Funeralcare is a trading name for Funeral Services Limited (FSL) and Co-op Funeral Plans Limited (CFPL). Co-op funerals are provided and sold by FSL and Co-op funeral plans are provided and sold by CFPL. CFPL is authorised and regulated by the Financial ConductAuthority. Firm Reference Number 962119.
Dr Amir Khan
Read full interview
“We don't have music at our funerals, it's a very sombre affair, which I'd like to change a little bit to be honest.”
ITV’s Dr Amir Khan has revealed his unique funeral requests, saying that he wants guests to dance to ‘90s R&B tunes’ when the time eventually comes.
The NHS doctor, 42, spoke about his wishes during an appearance on the Let’s Start Talking podcast - click here or below to listen to the full episode.
Asked if he would have music, he joked: “I'm a big fan of 90s R&B, so we’ve got to get some of that on. And it’s all quite sexy isn’t it? Which is how I’d describe myself obviously! So perfectly fitting for me.”
Asked how he would encourage patients to approach the subject of funerals with family members, he added:
“I always say to my patients, make a day of it. So go out for lunch, do your will or plan your funeral.
“That helps if you’ve got an elderly relative, or relative with a terminal illness. It’s quality time with them as well, but also in the long run, you’re making these decisions which will help you both.”
TV’s Dr Amir Khan opens up about his own funeral plans and losing his beloved dad
"We’ve got to get some R&B on!"
click on stats to learn more
65%
of British adults
have never discussed their own wishes with loved ones
2/3
of British adults
nearly
are unsure of their families funeral preferences
are unsure of their family’s funeral preferences
382k
funerals a year
happen without wishes of the deceased considered
Source: Wishlockr
What you can talk about
Manny's top tips
Guidance on the best way to make funeral wishes
Here, Manny Badyal, funeral director at Co-op Funeralcare, shares some guidance about funeral wishes, from starting conversations to the next steps.
It’s difficult, but the sooner you can introduce those conversations, the easier it is. We’re encouraging the nation to be more open about their wishes; making it clear to their loved ones what they would want for themselves when the time comes. The choice of music is a simple and comforting place to start. Discussing funeral wishes ahead of time protects your family from the pressure of making decisions later.
Thinking about any personal touches can help to celebrate and reflect on the life of the person who has passed. Co-op Funeralcare has a range of options you can choose that best reflects your loved one or your wishes. Our priority is to help families create a funeral that is just as individual as their loved one.
We’re now seeing a move away from traditional vehicles and black attire, with more colourful and celebratory services. We can offer a motorcycle or Land Rover hearse; the bearers can wear ties the same colour as the loved one’s football team; and coffins can be coloured or themed. Visual tributes are also popular. We’ve arranged all kinds of wonderful funerals, from including superheroes and princesses, to part of the funeral taking place at the 18th hole on a golf course. Everything about a funeral with Co-op Funeralcare is personal every step of the way. There are lots of options; we can tailor the music, flowers and vehicles to capture personal wishes, offering families comfort.
How do I start a conversation about funeral wishes?
What would you say to someone planning a funeral?
What are some of the requests you’ve had?
How to open up tricky conversations
Co-op Funeralcare expert on the benefits of discussing your funeral with loved ones
click arrow for Manny's top tips
click to
learn more
There is no right or wrong way to start a conversation about death or funerals
Tim Bloomer,
head of operations,
Co-op Funeralcare
Conversation starters
Set a place
to talk
Conversation starters
It might feel out of the blue, so music can begin the conversation. Mention a ceremony song you'd like.
What you can talk about
Bring up your choice of burial or cremation, and the music and poems you would like.
Coleen said she is trying to be open when it comes to talking about death and funeral planning with her own family and explained how she tries to bring an ‘every day is a blessing’ approach to life.
Coleen, who is the youngest of seven siblings, revealed how before Bernie passed away she also gave the family rules about how to grieve.
“Bernie gave us a big speech before she died telling us we could grieve and cry for two weeks but after two weeks she wanted us up and getting on with life,” she added.
“So everytime I wanted to stay in bed and thought: ‘I can’t face the day’ I always had those words from her going: ‘Get up!’
“Every now and again, normally if I’m on my own, I’ll have a good cry.”
Our Let’s Start Talking podcast host Coleen Nolan has told how her sister Bernie planning her funeral helped her family cope when the time came.
Bernie passed away in 2013 after losing her 10-month battle with cancer and had made plans for how she wanted her ceremony to be.
Opening up about her experience, Coleen, 58, said: “None of us like thinking about that moment but it’s going to happen.
“Funerals are awful and grief is awful so any pain you can eliminate from that situation is worth it.
“When Bernie died she left exactly how she wanted her funeral to be and I cannot tell you the stress it took off the family.”
One of Coleen’s other sisters, Linda, 64, is currently living with brain cancer. The singer was first diagnosed with stage three breast cancer in 2005, then incurable secondary cancer in her hip in 2017 which spread to her liver in 2020.
Podcast host bravely shares her own experiences of funerals and loss
"Bernie planned her own funeral"
scroll for more
Funerals are awful and grief is awful so any pain you can eliminate from that situation is worth it
Coleen Nolan
Click to learn more
Our readers share the finer details of their funeral wishes and tell us how they've planned their send-off
Readers get talking
Ashleigh,
from Newcastle
Learn more
Samson,
from Manchester
Learn more
Ffion,
from Wales
Learn more
“I’ve often thought about my death and the events leading up to it, despite only being 23 years old. In my mind, funerals conjure images of dullness and lifelessness, but that’s not how I envision mine. I want a vibrant, joyful ceremony, just like you’d find at a wedding reception. My lack of religious background and faith steers me away from traditional venues like churches, chapels and places with religious values. Instead, I picture an unconventional celebration, where stories about my life are shared amongst my loved ones.’’
Ffion, 23, from Wales
“I’m not religious so I would like a humanist service and a cremation. The music I would like to play is the theme tune to the TV show Black Beauty which reflects my love of animals, especially horses. If possible, I'd like a friend to ride their horse in front of the hearse on the way into the crematorium. I would like only family flowers and a collection in lieu of flowers, to go to help a charity called Pets North East where I do voluntary fundraising. And on the order of service, I would like a photograph of me with my horses.’’
Ashleigh, 56, from Newcastle
“I would have a two-country funeral; one in the UK and one in Nigeria the birth of my parents. The UK service would be a traditional church service held in Droylsden or preferably my church Clayton Methodist Church, although at present its future looks doubtful. Because I am a news enthusiast the UK service would be news-themed. For example, there would be a projector shown to the congregation in newspaper format chronicling some key moments in my life and the order of service would be in news format. The Nigerian service would be a hugely joyous service full of singing and dancing dressed in traditional colourful attire.’’
Samson, from Manchester
Talking now helps your loved ones later. For help starting your conversation, visit coop.co.uk/conversation
Rick Smales has arranged his own funeral to help ease the pressure for his boys
“I like the idea that my boys can visit such a natural setting and watch my oak tree develop and grow, as well as the rest of the forest.”
Rick added: “My sons know all about my plans and understand my wishes. Death is inevitable but if you talk about your wishes early and carry on with life - which, hopefully, is a very long life - you’ll be at ease knowing everything is in place for the end.’’
"I’ve picked a beautiful oak tree as a living memorial"
"I'm glad everything is in place"
Terminally-ill Stanley Roberts has planned his funeral - here, his wife Ann explains why
“My husband wants a vicar to conduct the service and a cremation. We also decided on readings, which will be read by my son and grandson.
“In terms of music, he’s always loved Pink Floyd so, as well as hymns, there will be something from The Dark Side of the Moon.
“We also wanted to know if we could bring our dog to the funeral and they said we could, so that’s a huge comfort.’’
Ann said planning ahead had reassured her husband: “We might have missed out on his choices if not for those discussions, so I’m glad everything is in place.’’
Planning ahead has reassured Stanley
As an only child, Linda Charlton was left to make the funeral arrangements for her parents when they died. But as they had never spoken to her about their funeral wishes, the 60-year-old had to make those decisions for them. Now Linda is determined that history won’t repeat itself.
“I made funeral arrangements for both my parents without really knowing what they wanted, which spurred me on to make my own plans,” said Linda, a retired accounts clerk from Newcastle.
Linda said: “We wanted to make life easier for our two children. It can feel overwhelming when someone close to you dies, so organising our own
"When my parents died, I had no idea of their wishes"
Linda and her husband Stephen took early funeral planning steps to ease future stress
Christine & Peter
Rick
Ann
Linda
funeral made sense. Co-op Funeralcare was so helpful - we were able to chat, ask lots of questions, and get some excellent guidance.
Linda and her husband Stephen took steps to help ease any future stress. She said: “We both want a non-religious ceremony, to be cremated, and have a basic committal.’’ “It was an easy process. I’d encourage anyone thinking about it, and in a position to do so, to go for it.’’
But more importantly, Linda believes in having those conversations with loved ones. She added: “When I told my daughter about putting funeral plans in place, she said: ‘That’s great mam’.”
Source: Wishlockr
click here to listen to full podcast
Ann’s husband Stanley is no stranger to death having worked in funeral services for 12 years. When it was time to plan for his own funeral, he discussed the options available to him with Co-op Funeralcare so Ann, their four children and nine grandchildren, could give him the send-off he deserves.
Stanley, 69, is terminally ill with cancer and wanted to ensure arrangements are in place for when the time comes. Ann and Stanley, from Blackpool, praised Co-op Funeralcare for their attention to detail in the plans for Stanley’s funeral.
Ann, 76, said: “Because of his previous role, my husband is aware of what happens after death and wanted something in place.
Solid, British and beautiful, oak trees stand tall and proud. That’s why dad-of-two Rick Smales wants one planted in his name when he dies to represent the man he was.
“I want a beautiful place for my boys to visit where they are surrounded by nature. An oak tree is a wonderful lasting legacy,’’ explained the 64-year-old. The retired musician has arranged his funeral in advance to help ease future worries for his sons, Natty, 20 and Alfie, 16.
Rick, from Blackpool, said: “I want a humanist service and a cremation. And in terms of a lasting memorial, I would like a beautiful oak tree planted in my memory and my ashes to be scattered on the oak tree.
TV presenter Eamonn Holmes has revealed his personal wishes for his funeral when the time comes, including his desire to be buried in his hometown of Belfast.
Speaking to Loose Women presenter and friend Coleen Nolan for the Let’s Start Talking podcast, Eamonn said: “We have a family plot in Belfast where my mum and dad are.”
And though he doesn’t want to be cremated, his wife, Ruth Langsford, would like to be - before being anonymously laid to rest in Surrey.
Eamonn continued: “I’m quite clear about what I want. I want people to be dressed in black.
“I want incense over my coffin for the Requiem Mass in Belfast in the church where I was baptised and where my mother and father married. My brothers would carry my coffin.
“I like traditional old church music and I’d like Malachi Cush to sing some stuff. I would also like the final song to be Bridge Over Troubled Water; I think it is a great song to reflect on.”
Eamonn Holmes has shared his funeral wishes with his family, which includes a traditional service in Ireland
“I’m quite clear about what I want for my funeral”
Read full interview
“I want incense over my coffin for the Requiem Mass in Belfast in the church where I was baptised and where my mother and father married."
Read full interview
“I'd like the funeral and cremation to be in Pembrokeshire, and then for people to go to Newgale beach, in Wales, near where I grew up."
Dr Alex George
Eamonn Holmes
Click on a celebrity to reveal their funeral wishes
Celeb funeral wishes
Dr Amir Khan
click here to listen to full podcast
Read full interview
“We don't have music at our funerals, it's a very sombre affair, which I'd like to change to be honest.”
In a new podcast episode for Let’s Start Talking, Dr Alex George has shared his funeral wishes and how he would like to be remembered.
The UK mental health ambassador told presenter Coleen Nolan: “Cremation is what I would choose - and a slightly traditional funeral ceremony. I'd like it to be in Pembrokeshire, and then for people to go to Newgale beach, in Wales, near where I grew up.
“It would be fine for people to turn up in casual clothing, and I would like a few readings - such as stories or memories - about me. They could bring their coffee or whiskey, and just remember those good times.”
On what type of music he wants, Dr Alex jokingly replied “Staying Alive”, before sharing he’d like both sombre and upbeat music.
“I’d probably have To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra - that’s a really powerful song. Then, something like Nirvana from my teenage years, and an Elton John song.”
Dr Alex added: “If people remembered me as a good and kind person, that would be great. That's the number one thing.”
Dr Alex George has revealed his
wishes for a simple beach funeral
with uplifiting music
“I would like to be remembered as a kind person”
ITV’s Dr Amir Khan has revealed his unique funeral requests, saying that he wants guests to dance to ‘90s R&B tunes’ when the time eventually comes.
The NHS doctor, 42, spoke about his wishes during an appearance on the Let’s Start Talking podcast - click here or below to listen to the full episode.
Asked if he would have music, he joked: “I'm a big fan of 90s R&B, so we’ve got to get some of that on. And it’s all quite sexy isn’t it? Which is how I’d describe myself obviously! So perfectly fitting for me.”
Asked how he would encourage patients to approach the subject of funerals with family members, he added: “I always say to my patients, make a day of it. So go out for lunch, do your will or plan your funeral.
“That helps if you’ve got an elderly relative, or relative with a terminal illness. It’s quality time with them as well, but also in the long run, you’re making these decisions which will help you both.”
TV’s Dr Amir Khan opens up about his own funeral plans and losing his beloved dad
"We’ve got to get some R&B on!"
Susie Down asked
"With no-service cremations, are bodies still treated with the same dignity?"
Michael Pengelly, Co-op Funeralcare
“We look after all deceased with the utmost dignity and respect, regardless of funeral type.”
Click to reveal the expert answers to your questions
Reader FAQs
Asher-Reid asked
"Can a funeral be broadcast over Zoom for long distance mourners?"
Michael Pengelly, Co-op Funeralcare
“We have relationships with webcast providers so mourners can
watch online in
most cases.”
George Proctor asked
“If I want my funeral to have a football theme - can that be arranged?"
Michael Pengelly, Co-op Funeralcare
“Yes! The important thing is to talk to loved ones about your personal choices
and wishes.”
Talking now helps your loved ones later. For help starting your conversation, visit coop.co.uk/conversation
"I'm glad everything is in place"
How do I start the conversation with loved ones?
Manny Badyal said: “Death, dying and funerals remain one of the biggest taboos. More people are willing to talk about death and bereavement, but there’s still some way to go, which is why I always encourage people to find simple ways to start the conversation.
“Start a conversation with someone close to you by finding a good opener. Music is an option. Perhaps play a song on your phone and say it’s what you’d like played at your funeral. Then turn it around and ask what they would like. It’s an easy way to start asking some important questions.
“Something you’ve seen on television can be a way into the topic. Or comment on flowers on display – ask if those tulips, roses or daffodils are their favourites. It doesn’t have to be serious, but you are bringing the topic into the open while gathering tiny bits of information for the future.’’
Manny Badyal said: “Talking about your funeral wishes will let your friends and family know what you want when the time comes. This way, we're all remembered the way we want to be.
“A Co-op report said that although 66 per cent of people in the UK have thought about their funeral wishes, only 7 per cent feel comfortable talking about it. It can be daunting to have these kinds of discussions but it is important to have these open conversations. Talking now will help your loved ones later.
“We all think we know those closest to us but in reality, unless we have had the conservation, most of us are unsure about what kind of send-off we would give our loved ones. Many of us haven’t even considered our own funeral wishes unless we’ve had to organise a funeral service for someone else.’’
Why should you have the conversation?
Your wishes
How to start
The conversation
It's time to talk
of people in the UK
66%
click to
learn more
have thought about their funeral wishes
of people in the UK
66%
ONLY 7%
FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT IT
click to
learn more
Families are more open to questions in a relaxed setting, such as over a cup of tea at home.
Set a place
to talk
Introduction
Stats
Opening up
Coleen
Readers
Celebs
FAQs
Next steps
16-24s
of British adults
every 1.5 days while those over 55 think about it every 3.5 days
49%
of families
don't feel comfortable talking about death
is the age
25
on average
people start thinking about their own death
click on stats to learn more
Source: Wishlockr
"I'm glad everything is in place"
How do I choose my funeral wishes?
Manny Badyal said: “Everything about a funeral with Co-op Funeralcare is personal every step of the way and we can provide many options. So think about what your funeral means to you and try to be clear about your wishes.
“There’s a huge rise in funerals being more unique and personal to celebrate the life we have lived.
“Here are a few points you might want to think about: Would you prefer a burial or a cremation? Do you want a religious or non-religious ceremony? Will you want a gathering or celebration afterwards?
“Once the most important aspects of your funeral wishes have been decided, you may want to think about the following: Do you have any favourite songs, hymns or poems that are special to you? Where would you like your funeral to be? Where do you want your ashes to be scattered?"
Talking now helps your loved ones later.
For help starting your conversation, visit coop.co.uk/conversation
For grief and bereavement support, visit cruse.org.uk
Download the Let's Start Talking podcast
When Christine and Peter lost their cousin, Co-op Funeralcare was there for them
Hearing about the sudden loss of a loved one is never easy, especially so for Christine and Peter Shelley who were at sea, on a cruise. However, their cousin had a funeral plan with Co-op Funeralcare - and with one call, all the necessary arrangements could be made.
Christine, from Sunderland, said: “We were on a cruise and I got a message to say my cousin had unexpectedly passed away. The next time we could access the internet, I phoned Co-op and they made all of the funeral arrangements. The organisation was exceptional, so when we arrived home, everything was prepared.’’
The experience spurred Christine and Peter on to sort their own funeral plans. Christine shared: “I want a church service, and my husband will have a Requiem Mass before cremation. I’d like chrysanthemums as my Nan used to grow them and they remind me of her, as well as some traditional hymns. I also want my ashes to be taken back to my local church.
“If my cousin hadn't taken out a plan, I might not have had the courage to do my own. But I'm glad it's done. I feel comforted that my funeral wishes are clear and organised, which will help my family further down the line.’’
“We were on a cruise and heard
he passed away”
The experience spurred Christine and Peter on to sort their own funeral plans. Christine shared: “I want a church service, and my husband will have a Requiem Mass before cremation. I’d like chrysanthemums as my Nan used to grow them and they remind me of her, as well as some traditional hymns. I also want my ashes to be taken back to my local church.
“If not for my cousin, I might not have had the courage to sort a funeral plan. But I’m glad it’s done. I feel comforted that my wishes are clear and organised, it will help my family in the future.’’
Hearing about the sudden loss of a loved one is never easy, especially so for Christine and Peter Shelley who were at sea, on a cruise. However, their cousin had a funeral plan with Co-op Funeralcare - and with one call, all the necessary arrangements could be made.
Christine, from Sunderland, said: “We were on a cruise and I got a message to say my cousin had unexpectedly passed away. The next time we could access the internet, I phoned Co-op and they made all of the funeral arrangements. The organisation was exceptional, so when we arrived home, everything was prepared.’’
When Christine and Peter lost their cousin, Co-op Funeralcare was there for them
“We were on a cruise and heard he passed away”
click here to listen to full podcast
click here to listen to full podcast
click here to listen to full podcast
click here to listen to full podcast
Funerals are awful and grief is awful so any pain you can eliminate from that situation is worth it
Coleen Nolan
Every now and again, normally if I'm on my own, I'll have a good cry.
Coleen Nolan
Image caption to go here xyxyxyx
Co-op Funeralcare is a trading name for Funeral Services Limited (FSL) and Co-op Funeral Plans Limited (CFPL). Co-op funerals are provided and sold by FSL and Co-op
funeral plans are provided and sold by CFPL. CFPL is authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority. Firm Reference Number 962119.